伯爵的胡子&意大利童話


    博卡帕利亞是建在陡峭山坡上的一個小鎮,鎮上人家的雞隻要一下蛋就會滾落到山下的樹林裏。為了防止雞蛋滾落丟失,居民們在每隻母雞的尾巴上掛了一個小袋子。


    這說明博卡帕利亞人並非像別人挖苦的那樣軟弱無能,附近曾經流傳著這樣一句話:


    誰都知道在博卡帕利亞,


    驢子吹口哨,主人嚎叫。


    這純粹是附近村鎮的人對他們的汙蔑,這些人這樣對待博卡帕利亞人就是因為他們生性平靜,不願意和任何人爭吵。


    “讓你們誣蔑吧,挖苦吧,”博卡帕利亞人都這樣說,“等馬西諾回來,看我們當中誰還會嚎叫。”


    馬西諾是博卡帕利亞人中最聰明的人,深受全鎮的人愛戴。他並不比別人粗壯,甚至比一般人還瘦弱很多,但他天生聰明。他剛出世時,看上去瘦弱嬌小,媽媽為了讓他能活下來,而且還能長得強壯一點,就用熱葡萄酒給他洗澡。爸爸還把燒紅的鐵放到酒裏給酒加熱。這樣馬西諾既通過浸泡皮膚而獲得了酒的柔力,又吸收了鐵的剛強。洗完澡後,媽媽又把她放在鋪滿生栗子殼的搖籃裏,讓他的身體變涼爽,使他在刺痛中變得更加睿智。


    長大後,馬西諾出發去服兵役,以後再也沒有回到自己的村鎮。現在好像到了非洲的某個地方。這期間博卡帕利亞開始出了一係列的怪事。每天晚上人們都會發現,他們的牛從平原上的草地放牧回來時,總要被女巫米奇利娜搶走好幾頭。


    女巫米奇利娜總是藏在村子下方的樹林中,伺機而出,她隻須吹一口氣就可以把一頭牛劫走。天黑後,每當村民們聽到林中灌木叢的沙沙響動,就會嚇的牙齒打架,甚至昏倒在地,所以大家都說:


    女巫米奇利娜,


    從牛欄把牛偷走,


    隻要用眼斜一下,


    你就嚇得倒下。


    村民們隻好在夜裏點起一堆堆大篝火,使女巫米奇利娜不敢從樹叢中現身。但當隻有一個人在篝火邊上看守牲畜時,女巫就會悄悄地靠上去,用氣把這個人吹昏,等到早上他醒過來的時候,奶牛、耕牛早已不見了,於是大家便聽到他痛哭、絕望,擊自己的頭。然後,所有的人都會一齊到樹林中尋找牲畜,結果,除了一綹頭發、女人的的發釵和女巫米奇利娜四處留下的足印,什麽也找不到。


    就這樣過去了好幾個月,奶牛被一直關在牛圈裏變得越來越瘦。刷毛的時候已經不需要刷子了,用耙子在牛肋骨上耙幾下就行了。沒有人再敢將牲畜帶到草地上去了,也沒有人敢再進樹林裏,林子裏邊的蘑菇因為長久無人采摘,長得像雨傘一般大。


    女巫米奇利娜從不去別的村鎮搶牛,因為她知道再沒有哪個村的村民像博卡帕利亞人這樣與世無爭、平靜忍耐了。每天晚上,這些貧苦的村民就在場院中間點上一堆篝火,女人和孩子留在家中,男人則圍著篝火撓頭抱怨著。怨了今天,怨明天,最後,他們決定得去找這裏的伯爵幫忙。


    伯爵住在村鎮山頂上的一座圓形莊園裏,四周圍著圍牆,牆上還插滿了玻璃片。一個星期天的早上,村民們聚在一塊,帽子拿在手上,前來敲響了伯爵家的門。門打開後,村民們來到伯爵圓形房屋前的庭院,隻見屋子的窗戶都用鐵柵欄封著,庭院四周坐著伯爵的衛兵,他們的胡子上都塗著油,好讓胡子看上去光彩油亮。這些人一個個對村民們怒目而視。庭院的最裏端,伯爵坐在絲絨麵的椅子上,黑胡子很長很長,四個衛兵正用四把梳子在給他從上往下地梳理它。


    年紀最長的村民定了定神,說:“伯爵老爺,我們鬥膽來您這裏,是為了向您稟告我們的不幸遭遇,森林中有一個女巫米奇利娜,把我們的牲畜都搶了去。”隨後,老人歎著氣,訴著苦,在別的村民的點頭證實下,向伯爵講述了他們這段時間的可怕經曆。


    伯爵一聲不吭。


    老人又說:“我們來這裏想冒昧向老爺您求討一個解決辦法。”


    伯爵還是一聲不吭。


    老人又補充說:“我們來這裏想鬥膽請老爺您行行好幫我們一把,要是您肯派出一隊衛士,我們就可以回到草場上放牲畜了。”


    伯爵把腦袋在脖子上轉了一圈,說:“要是派衛兵,我就還得派一個隊長……”


    村民們都豎著耳朵聽著,似乎感受到一線希望。


    “但要是我派隊長去,”伯爵說,“那麽,晚上,我還跟誰玩擲彩遊戲呢?”


    村民們跪在地上說:“幫幫我們吧,伯爵老爺,可憐可憐我們吧!”周圍的衛士們開始厭煩地打著哈欠,給胡子塗著黑油。


    伯爵又轉了一下頭,說:


    “我是伯爵,我說話能頂三個人說話,


    既然我沒見過女巫,


    說明根本就沒有女巫。”


    聽到伯爵的話,那些正打著哈欠的衛士立即端起步槍,用刺刀慢慢地逼著村民們退出了庭院。


    村民們垂頭喪氣地回到場院,不知下一步該怎麽辦,那個跟伯爵說過話的年紀最長的老人說:“現在我們得派人去把馬西諾請回來!”


    說完,他們便立即給馬西諾寫了封信,然後將信寄到非洲。一天晚上,當村民們像往常一樣聚集在場院的篝火旁邊時,馬西諾回來了。人們激動的情景就別提了,大家衝上去擁抱他,煮上加香料的熱葡萄酒。有人問:“你去了什麽地方?”有人說:“你見到了些什麽東西?”還有人說:“你知道我們有多慘嗎?”


    馬西諾先讓大家說了個夠,然後他開始敘述起來:“在非洲我遇到過不吃人隻吃蟬的野蠻人;在沙漠我碰到過一個為了挖地下水而留了十二米長的指甲的瘋子;在海上我見過一條魚穿著一隻皮鞋和一隻拖鞋,它想成為眾魚之王,因為別的魚既沒有穿皮鞋的,也沒有穿拖鞋的;在西西裏,我認識一位婦女生了七十個兒子,但全家隻有一口鍋;在那不勒斯,我看見人們停住腳也能往前走,因為別人的閑言碎語太厲害了,變成了一股很大的推力;我還看見過聖人,看見過罪犯,看見過一百公斤重的胖子,也看見過骨瘦如柴的矮子,我見過很多膽小的人,但從沒見過像博卡帕利亞人這麽膽小的人。”


    村民們都羞愧地低下了頭,馬西諾說他們膽小,實在是一針見血。但馬西諾並沒有責怪鄉親們的意思。他讓大家把女巫的事詳細地說了一遍,然後說:“我現在問你們三個問題,然後,等半夜一到,我就去抓住這個女巫,把她帶到這裏來。”


    “問吧,問吧!”大家齊說。


    “第一個問題要先問理發師。這個月有多少人到你那裏理發?”


    理發師回答:


    “有長胡子的,有短胡子的,


    有胡子軟軟的,有胡子彎曲的,


    有鬈發的,有蓬發的,


    我的剪刀給他們都剪過。”


    “現在我問你,鞋匠,這個月有多少人到你那裏修鞋呢?”


    “唉,”鞋匠說:


    “我修過木拖鞋,修過皮拖鞋,


    釘了一堆鞋釘,上了一堆掌鐵;


    我修過布鞋,修過蛇皮鞋,


    但現在人們都沒了錢,無人再來了。”


    “第三個問題要問你了,製繩匠,這個月你賣出去多少根繩子?”


    製繩匠說:


    “柳繩,線繩,


    搓的和編的草繩,


    細細的柳條井繩,


    粗如胳膊,細如針,


    硬的如鐵,軟的如豬油,


    這個月我賣了很多根。”


    “好了,都明白了。”馬西諾說,在篝火旁躺下,“我現在先睡上兩個小時,我實在太累了。到半夜,你們把我叫醒,我去抓那個女巫。”說完,他用帽子遮住臉,睡著了。


    村民們靜靜地守候在一邊,連大氣都不敢出,怕吵醒他。到半夜,馬西諾自己醒了過來,他打了個哈欠,喝下一小杯熱酒,又朝篝火吐了三口唾沫,然後,旁若無人地站起來直奔樹林。


    村民們都留在原地等他,隻見篝火燒成了火炭,火炭又燒成了柴灰,柴灰也變黑了,這時,馬西諾回來了。身後還帶著一個人,好像被拉著胡子,是誰呀?是伯爵,伯爵一邊哭著,掙紮著,一邊求饒。


    “這就是女巫!”馬西諾喊道。隨後又問:“熱酒放在哪裏了”?


    伯爵在眾人的怒目逼視下,蜷縮在地上,好像一隻凍壞的蒼蠅。


    馬西諾解釋說:“不可能是你們當中的人幹的,因為你們都理過發,剪過胡須,不可能在樹叢中留下須毛;樹林裏有又大又重的鞋印,而你們都是赤腳進樹林的。也不可能是什麽精靈幹的,因為精靈沒必要去買那麽多繩子綁了牲畜,再拉走。哎,我要的熱酒呢?”


    伯爵渾身哆嗦著,竭力要躲到他的胡子裏麵,馬西諾把他從樹叢後拉出來的時候,他的胡子被拉得亂七八糟。


    “那他用什麽方法看我們一眼,就會讓我們昏倒呢?”一位村民問。


    “他用包了布的木棍子在你們的頭上猛擊一棍,這樣你們覺得像吹氣一樣,頭上無痕跡,醒來時頭昏腦沉。”


    “那他丟在森林中的那些頭釵呢?”另一個人問。


    “這些頭釵是他用來把胡子紮到頭上的,就像女人紮頭發那樣。”


    村民們都安靜地聽著,當馬西諾說“現在,大家想怎麽處置他?”時,人群中爆發出一陣激動的喊聲:“燒死他!剝他的皮!把他綁在杆子上當稻草人!把他關在桶裏讓他不停地轉!把他跟六隻貓,六隻狗一起捆進一個袋子裏!”


    “饒命!”伯爵用顫抖的聲音哀求著。


    “我看這樣吧,”馬西諾說,“讓他把牲畜都還給大家,再讓他把所有的牛棚打掃幹淨。既然他喜歡夜裏到森林中去,就罰他每天晚上都去給你們撿柴火。告訴孩子們以後看到地上有發釵的話再也不要撿了,它們都是女巫米奇利娜的,她再也不能梳理好頭發和胡子了。”


    村民們就照馬西諾說的做了。隨後,馬西諾又動身遊曆世界去了,一路上,他加入了一次又一次的戰爭,每一次戰爭都持續了很長時間,有詩為證:


    啊,戰爭中的士兵,


    你吃的差,睡在地上,


    將火藥裝進炮膛,


    嘣!嘣!


    thecountsbeard


    thetownofpocapagliawasperchedonthepinnacleofahillsosteepthatitsinhabitantstiedlittlebagsonthetailfeathersoftheirhenstocatcheachfreshlideggthatotherwisewouldhavegonerollingdowntheslopesintothewoodsbelow.


    allofwhichgoestoshowthatthepeopleofpocapagliawerenottheduncestheyweresaidtobe,andthattheproverb,


    inpocapagliaways


    thedonkeywhistles,themasterbrays,


    merelyreflectedthemaliciousgrudgetheneighboringtownspeopleborethepocapagliansfortheirpeacefulwaysandtheirreluctancetoquarrelwithanyone.


    "yes,yes,"wasallthepocapaglianswouldreply,"butjustwaituntilmasinoreturns,andyouwillseewhobraysmore,weoryou."


    everybodyinpocapaglialovedmasino,thesmartestboyintown.hewasnostrongerphysicallythananybodyelse;infact,heevenlookedratherpuny.buthehadalwaysbeenveryclever.concernedoverhowlittlehewasatbirth,hismotherhadbathedhiminwarmwokeephimaliveandmakehimalittlestronger.hisfatherhadheatedthewinewithared-hothorseshoe.thatwaymasinoabsorbedthesubtletyofwineandtheenduranceofiron.tocoolhimoffafterhisbath,hismothercradledhimintheshellofanunripenedchestnut;itwasbitterandgavehimunderstanding.


    atthetimethepocapaglianswereawaitingthereturnofmasino,whomnoonehadseensincethedayhewentofftobeasoldier(andwhowasnowmostlikelysomewhereinafrica),strangethingsstartedhappeninginpocapaglia.everyeveningasthecattlecamebackfrompastureintheinbelow,ananimalwaswhiskedawaybymicillinathewitch.


    thewitchwouldhideinthewoodsatthefootofthehill,andallsheneededtodowasgiveoneheavypuff,andshehadherselfanox.whenthefarmersheardherstealthroughthethicketafterdark,theirteethwouldchatter,andeveryonewouldfalldowninaswoon.thatbecamesmonthatpeopletooktosaying:


    bewareofmicillina,thatoldwitch,


    forallyouroxenshewillfilch,


    thentrainonyouhercrossed-eye,


    andwaitforyoutofanddie.


    atnighttheybeganlightinghugebonfirestokeepmicillinathewitchfromventuringoutofthewoods.butshewouldsneakuponthesolitaryfarmerwatchingovercattlebesidethebonfireandknockhimoutinonebreath.inthemorninguponawaking,hedfindcowsandoxengone,andhisfriendswouldhearhimweepingandmoaningandhittinghimselfonthehead.theneverybodbedthewoodsfortracesofthestolencattle,butfoundonlytuftsofhair,hairpins,andfootprintslefthereandtherebymicillinathewitch.


    thingswentfrombadtoworse.shutupallthetimeinthebarn,thecowsgrewasthinasrails.arakeinsteadofabrushwasallthatwasneededtogroomthem,fromribtorib.nobodydaredleadthecattletopastureanymore.everyonestayedclearofthewoodsnow,andthemushroomsthatgrewtherewentunpickedandgotasbigasumbres.


    micillinathewitchwasnottemptedtoplunderothertowns,knowingfullwellthatcalmandpeace-lovingpeopleweretobefoundonlyinpocapaglia.therethepoorfarmerslitabigbonfireeverynightinthetownsquare,whilethewomenandchildrenlockedthemselvesindoors.themensataroundthefirescratchingtheirheadsandgroaning.dayafterdaytheyscratchedandgroaneduntdecisionwasfinallyreachedtogotothecountforhelp.


    thecountlivedhighabovethetownonrgecircrestatesurroundedbyamassivewall.thetopofthewallwasencrustedwithsharpbitsofss.onesundaymorningallthetownsmenarrived,withhatsinhand.theyknocked,thedoorswungopen,andtheyfiledintothecourtyardbeforethecourtsrounddwelling,whichhadbarsatallthewindows.aroundthecourtyardsatthecourtssoldierssmoothingtheirmustacheswithoiltomakethemshineandscowlingatthefarmers.attheendofthecourtyard,inavelvetchair,satthecounthimselfwithhislongckbeard,whichfoursoldierswerbingfromheadtofoot.


    theoldestfarmertookheartandsaid,"yourhonor,wehavedareetoyouaboutourmisfortune.asourcattlegointothewoods,micillinathewitchappearsandmakesoffwiththem."so,amidsighsandgroans,withtheotherfarmersnoddinginassent,hetoldthecountabouttheirnightmare.


    thecountremainedsilent.


    "wehavehere,"saidtheoldman,"tobesoboldastoaskyourhonorsadvice."


    thecountremainedsilent.


    "wehavehere,"headded,"tobesoboldastoaskyourhonortohelpus.ifyouassignedusanescortofsoldiers,wecouldagaintakeourcattledowntopasture."


    thecountshookhishead."ifiletyouhavethesoldiers,"hesaid,"imustalsoletyouhavethecaptain"


    thefarmerslistened,hardlydaringtohope.


    "butifthecaptainisawayintheevening,"saidthecount,"whocaniylottowith?"


    thefarmersfelltotheirknees."helpus,noblecount,forpityssake!"thesoldiersaroundthecourtyardyawnedandstrokedtheirmustaches.


    againthecountshookhisheadandsaid:


    iamthecountandicountforthree;


    nowitchhaveiseen,


    so,nowitchhastherebeen.


    atthosewordsandstillyawning,thesoldierspickeduptheirgunsand,withbaysextended,movedslowlytowardthefarmers,whoturnedandfiledsilentlyoutofthecourtyard.


    backinthetownsquareanpletelydiscouraged,thefarmershadnoideawhattodonext.buttheseniorofthemall,theonewhohadspokentothecount,said,"theresnothinglefttodobutsendformasino!"


    sotheywrotemasinoaletterandsentittoafrica.thenoneevening,whiletheywereallgatheredaroundthebonfireasusual,masinoreturned.imagheweetheygavehim,theembraces,thepotsofhot,spicedwine!"whereonearthhaveyoubeen?whatdidyousee?ifyouonlyknewwhatwehavebeengoingthrough!"


    masinoletthemhavetheirsay,thenhehadhis."inafricaisawcannibalswhoatenotmenbutlocusts;inthedesertisawamadmanwhohadlethisfingernailsgrowtwelvemeterslongtodigforwater;intheseaisawafishwithashoeandaslipperwhowantedtobekingoftheotherfish,sincenootherfishpossessedshoeorslipper;insicilyisawawomanwithseventysonsandonlyonekettle;innaplesisawpeoplewhowalkedwhilestandingstill,sincethechatterofotherpeoplekeptthemgoing;isawsinnersandisawsaints;isawfatpeopleandpeoplenobiggerthanmites;many,manyfrightenedsoulsdidisee,butneversomanyashereinpocapaglia."


    thefarmershungtheirheadsinshame,formasinohadhitasensitivespotinsuggestingtheywerecowards.butmasinowasnotcrosswithhisfellowtownsmen.heaskedforadetailedountofthewitchsdoings,thensaid,"letmeaskyouthreequestions,andatthestrokeofmidnightillgooutandcatchthewitchandbringherbacktoyou."


    "letshearyourquestions!outwiththem!"theyallsaid.


    "thefirstquestionisforthebarber.howmanypeoplecametoyouthismonth?"


    thebarberreplied:


    "longbeards,shortbeards,


    finebeards,coarsebeards,


    locksstraight,lockscurly,


    allitrimmèd(sic)inahurry."


    "yourturnnow,cobbler.howmanypeoplebroughtyoutheiroldshoestomendthismonth?"


    "s!"beganthecobbler:


    "shoesofwood,shoesofleather,


    nailbynailihammeredbacktogether,


    mendedshoesofsatinandshoesofserpent.


    buttheresnothinglefttodo,


    alltheirmoneyisspent."


    "thethirdquestiongoestoyou,ropemaker.howmuchropedidyousellthismonth?"


    theropemakerreplied:


    "ropegaloreofeverysortisold:


    hemprope,braided,wicker,cord,


    needle-thintoarm-thick,


    thismonthicouldntgowrong."


    "verywell,"saidmasino,stretchingoutbythefire."imnowgoingtosleepforafewhours,imverytired.wakemeupatmidnightandillgoafterthewitch."heputhishatoverhisfaceandfesleep.


    thefarmerskeptperfectlyquietuntilmidnight,notevendaringtobreathe,forfearofawakinghim.atmidnightmasinoshookhimself,yawned,drankacupofmulledwine,spatthreetimesintothefire,gotupwithoutlookingatasoul,andheadedforthewoods.


    thefarmersstayedbehindwatchingthefireburndownandthstembersturntoashes.then,whomshouldmasinodraginbythebeardbutthecount!acountthatwept,kicked,andpleadedformercy.


    "heresthewitch!"criedmasino,andasked,"wheredidyouputthemulledwine?"


    beneaththefarmersamazedstares,thecounttriedtomakehimselfassmaspossible,sittingonthegroundandshrinkinguplikeacold-bittenfly.


    "thethiefcouldhavebeennoneofyou,"exinedmasino,"sinceyouhadallgothebarberandhadnohairtoloseinthebushes.thentherewerethosetracksmadebybigheavyshoes,butallofyougobarefoot.norcouldthethiefhavebeenaghost,sincehewouldnthaveneededtobuyallthatcordtotieuptheanimalsandcarrythemaway.butwhereismymulledwine?"


    shakingallover,thecounttriedtohideinthatbeardofhiswhichmasinohadtousledandtorninpullinghimoutofthebushes.


    "howdidheevermakeusfaintbyjustlookingatus?"askedonefarmer.


    "hewouldsmiteyouontheheadwithapaddedclub.thatwayyouwouldhearonlyawhir.hedleavenomarkonyou,youdsimplywakeupwithaheadache."


    "andthosehairpinshelost?"askedanother.


    "theywereusedtoholdhisbearduponhisheadandmakeitlooklikeawomanshair."


    untilthenthefarmershadlistenedinsilence,butwhenmasinosaid,"andnow,whatshallwedowithhim?"astormofshoutsarose:"burnhim!skinhimalive!stringhimupforascarecrow!sealhiminacaskandrollhimdownthecliff!sewhimupinasackwithsixcatsandsixdogs!"


    "havemercy!"saidthecountinavoicejustaboveawhisper.


    "sparehim,"saidmasino,"andhewillbringbackyourcattleandcleanyourbarns.andsinceheenjoyedgoingintothewoodsatnight,makehimgothereeverynightandgatherbundlesoffirewoodforeachofyou.tellthechildrennevertopickupthehairpinstheyfindontheground,fortheybelongtomicillinathewitch,whosehairandbeardwillbedisheveledfromnowon."


    thefarmersfollowedthesuggestion,andsoonmasinoleftpocapagliatotravbouttheworld.inthecourseofhistravels,hefoundhimselffightinginfirstonewarandanother,andtheyalstedsolongthathissayingsprangup:


    soldierfighter,whatahardlot!


    wretchedfood,thegroundforacot.


    youfeedthecannonpowder:


    boom-boom!boom-boom!boomlouder!


    (bra)


    notes:


    "thecountsbeard"barbadelconte).publishedhereforthefirsttime,collectedbygiovanniarpinoinjuly1956,incertainvigesofsouthernpiedmont:bra(toldbycaterinaasteggiano,inmateofahomeforoldpeople,andluigiberzia),inguarene(toldbydoropadino,farmer),innarzole(toldbyatataro,servantwoman),andinpocapaglia.


    thislongnarrative,whichwritergiovanniarpinohastranscribedandunifiedfromdifferentversionswithvariantsandadditionsfrombraandsurroundings,cannotinmyviewbessifiedasafolktale.itisalocallegendofrecentorigininpart(iamthinking,forinstance,ofthegeographicalparticrsgiven),thatis,notpriortotheneenthcentury,andcontainingdisparateelements:exnationofalocalsuperstition(thehairpinsofwitchmicillina),antifeudalcountrylegendsuchasonefindsinmanynortherncountries,curiousdetective-storystructuresherlockholmes,manydigressionsnonessentialtothestory(suchasthetripfromafricabacktotown——whicharpinotellsmealsoexistsasaseparatestory——andalltheallusionstomasinospastandfutureadventureswhichleadtotheconclusionglobetrotterfromacountrywhoseinhabitantsarereputedtobecontrastinglyslowandbackward),verse(ofwhicharpinoandihavepresentedonlyasmuchaswecouldeffectivetrante),andgrotesqueimageswhichseemrootedintradition,suchasthesacksunderthehenstails,theoxensothinthattheywerecurriedwiththerake,thecountwhosebeardwabedbyfoursoldiers,etc


    copyright:italianfolktalesselectedandretoldbyitalocalvino,


    trantedbygeorgemartin,


    pantheonbooks,newyork1980

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